Saying Good-Bye to Tiante

There are places we are meant to be at certain times.  I have finally accepted this knowledge...somewhat.  In my younger days I would rail against missed timings that would affect my plans for the day, week or month.  As I aged I began to notice a pattern with these 'missed' timings.  I began to notice that it may have seemed like a miss but in the end I was where I supposed to be at the time that I needed to be there.  I would meet people I never expected to meet.  I would see things that I never expected to see.  I would learn and appreciate new knowledge passed along to me through these unexpected opportunities.  From that I have understood that Fate can be a wonderful thing.  It can lead you along on your unplanned path to an understanding that the larger plan is for you to be on this path all along.
Sooo, when John asked me to join him on his trip to Ottawa this past week, I said no.  Spring is a busy time on a farm.  I had gardens to plant, children in the throes of activities and, I was pursuing my latest ambition of foraging fresh shoots in the forest.  Then he asked again and me still being a bit thick about understanding Fate and being in places I need to be, still said no.  When he asked a third time I clued into the fact that he would be celebrating his birthday while away on this trip.  I agreed to join him so he would not be alone on this special day...but still remaining clueless to Fate's grand plan.  I love Ottawa and began to busily plan our itinerary as soon as we agreed to stay an extra couple of days beyond the business meetings.  We were going to go to this museum and that museum and then this restaurant and that restaurant etc etc.  Then John dropped the bombshell that he did not want to actually stay in Ottawa beyond the business meetings and would rather travel to our old hometown of Listowel.  I really did not want to do that.  I wanted to settle in and explore eastern Ontario.  I grumbled and muttered for a good two days.  He suggested taking the train....that really upped the muttering on my part.  Knowing my penchant for exploring small towns and stopping when I want to stop rather than when the whole train needs to stop, he suggested renting a car and meandering through the countryside.  The muttering slowed a bit.  Then the realization dawned that it really was his birthday and the location of the celebration should be his choice.  We rented a car.
On the day that we left for Ottawa I got my first inkling that this just might be a trip governed by Fate rather than anything else.  As we waited to board our plane in the Edmonton airport we ended up sitting beside a gentleman that looked a little down in the chips.  I was all hopped up on Gravol and just trying to get onto the plane before the requisite nap as demanded by the drugs.  The gentleman smiled at me.  I could tell he wanted to talk.  I looked around desperately for John who is usually our resident 'talker'.  He was off talking to a friend that he had ran into by chance in the airport. So the gentleman and I began chatting.  Just casually at first.  He was from Kingston.  We reminisced about favourite places.  He confirmed Chez Piggy was as good as ever which confirmed it as a must stop place during our rental car journey. Then out of the blue he announced he had just been fired from his job a couple of hours prior.  He had been out working on a contract for his company for a couple of months.  The guy who he had been working for was a difficult person to say the least.  In fact he was prone to fits of rage and yelling and this gentlemen beside me had taken the brunt of it all.  It sounded pretty abusive actually.  This morning he had had enough and told the raging guy so whereupon the raging guy terminated the contract.  He caught a cab to his hotel, packed all his bags and caught a cab to the airport and ended up sitting beside me wondering what had just happened that morning.  He told me about a book that he had been writing.  It was all finished and he was embarking upon the next steps in getting it published.  The book was his passion not the contract work but he was at a loss about the next steps.  I signaled John to get over to us and I introduced him to my new friend.  Our conversation moved to book publishing and John was able to share contacts.  Lots of advice was passed to and fro along with names of people who could help him fill in some critical pieces in his book.  I don't normally chat with folks in the airport like that.  It was all quite odd.  I usually prefer to sit back and people watch. As boarding commenced we all ended up in different lines.  Just before we boarded the plane, the gentleman walked over to me and told me that he believes in Fate and while his day had started out with glum, he felt it was meant to be that way so that he and I could meet on a bench waiting to board a plane.  He had a renewed vigor to publish his book and follow his passion...and a bit of a spring in his step.  I knew at that point that Fate was going to be the pilot on this journey and I wondered what else she had in store for us.
She had many little surprises along the way that included meetings with friends we had not seen in years in Ottawa. The rather delightful joy of meeting new people including Rex Murphy, a man I have admired for years.  The even more delightful knowledge that Rex is as wonderful in person as I imagined that he would be.  We had a lovely drive along the winding Ontario roads with all of its greenery.  Chez Piggy was as resplendent as always and the meal was of the same amazing standards. Our dear friends allowed us to 'crash' their family occasion and it was wonderful to see one of our children's counterparts enjoying the life experience of a prom.  We were finally able to say a long overdue thank you to other friends and had the most wonderful spontaneous visit.
 Familiar places, familiar spaces and familiar faces.  It was a good fateful journey but I knew that Fate had more in store for me.  I will confess at this point that my overriding reason for finally agreeing to go to Listowel rather than reclining in Ottawa was to see my dear old Tiante again.  He is 36 now.  He has been such a constant in my life for many years that it tore at my heart strings to have to leave him behind when we moved west.  I had no choice as a trip across Canada in a trailer is simply not possible for a horse in his 30's.  Tiante has been my touchstone for many years and I have missed him sorely.  Within 6 months of our move West I was back in Listowel visiting him.  Then last summer we made our grand journey to pick up our boat which was really just an excuse for me to visit Tiante again if I must confess to that.  And now this opportunity laid into my lap!  John wanted to travel to Listowel and I dearly wanted to see my old guy again.  It seemed fateful.
It was too dark when we arrived in Listowel Friday night but I was surely out in that paddock Saturday morning greeting my old friend.  He was my mainstay in Kirby. Literally through war he kept me sane.He was that horse you dream of having and that so very few of us actually do have in our lives.  I never had to worry about the kids around him.  They all learned to ride on Tiante...bareback, saddle whatever.  He was fine with it all. He would stand for hours while they vaulted off tree stumps attempting to get on his back.  I loved to ride Tiante but more than that I loved his companionship.  He was my solace when my husband was away on military missions.  He was my strength when my job was crappy.  He was my sanity when my kids were driving me crazy.  I would go out and stand in the field leaning against his warmth and after a while it was all OK again.  My absolute favourite time with Tiante was after the kids had gotten on the school bus in the morning.  I would walk up the lane and then straight to the field where Tiante was grazing. He would come over to me and lower his head for a kiss on the forehead.  I would put my head on his forehead and Muffy the donkey would put her head on my back and the three of us would just stand for a bit. So as I went out to the paddock that Saturday morning in Listowel my mind was full of wonderful memories.  To be remembered by a horse and a donkey is a remarkable thing.  Tiante always had this full deep quiet nicker.  I loved it.  It was personal and it was meant for me only.  When he greeted me with his nicker I knew he remembered.  I stood with Tiante and Muffy for a while that morning remembering those mornings in Kirby, remembering the trail rides, remembering the time he colicked and I walked him all night long after the vet told me that a horse in his late 20's would not survive.  We showed her didn't we Tiante? I took my time with Tiante that morning because when your horse is 36 years old you know that time is precious.  The rest of the day was spent in the throes of the birthday celebrations and visiting family. Tiante remained on my mind all that night though. He weighed heavily on my mind.  I was anxious to get back over to my parents on the Sunday to see him again and to say good-bye yet again before we left for our flight home. When we actually returned to my parents farm, I drove the rental car straight back to his paddock rather than parking and walking as I usually did. I was unusually anxious. In the field I found Tiante who had laid down and said his final farewell.
Horses are majestic beasts.  It is always hard to see them depart. I was that day and remain now so very sad that he is not walking this earth still with me. But a 36 year old horse is a very old horse and I could see on the Saturday that he was struggling with his old age. What a gift I had on Saturday to spend another morning with both him and Muffy.  The three of us together again in the morning light just sharing our energy.  I will never forget that last nicker.  You always wonder if they remember you as fondly as you remember them. With that nicker he told me that he did remember and that they were good memories...and there is no greater gift than that.
Rest in Peace Tiante.